Misery Guts and I are off to a hotel & spa leaving BB in the capable hands of my sister this weekend (and by the sounds of the weather forecast we couldn’t have picked a better time). It’s the first time we’ve left her overnight with anyone other than grandparents, and only the second time we’ve been away on our own without her. As a result I’ve been busy preparing instructions, like a sticky label with the numbers of all her favourite channels next to the TV (pictured).
I’m not sure what this says about us as parents. First and foremost is number 71, CBeebies, which promises to get anyone in charge of a small child safely through the day, especially when it’s raining. But as soon as the opening tea-time credits of In The Night Garden appear BB shrieks, which I suspect is less about having grown out of Upsy Daisy, and more about knowing bedtime is looming.
So we switch over to number 70, CBBC, where BB loves Tracy Beaker (spoilt brat in a care home – if you’ve never seen it, lucky you) after which she demands ‘the racing cars’, by which she means Top Gear on Dave. The only deviation from this viewing schedule is on Saturdays, when You’ve Been Framed can be found on ITV2.
I honestly can’t remember how this routine came about, but it did. And presumably we’re responsible. It’s only when faced with the prospect of relaying it to a third party that I’ve realised these TV choices probably aren’t a fair reflection of the average two-year-old’s viewing habits.
Even worse, should the average two-year-old have even been given the opportunity to have viewing habits? Mary Whitehouse would be spinning in her grave, but I guess it’s too late now.
We’ve been well and truly framed.
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