Week: 22
Waist: 35.5 inches (no change)
Feeling: Like an overactive worrywart
With the 20 week scan out of the way and all looking good, Iβm now worrying the baby is going to come early. Too early. Iβve spent the last four months silently praying we make it beyond the next milestone: 8 weeks, when my last two babies died, 10 weeks, when the last miscarriage was actually diagnosed, 12 weeks, when we see whether everything appears to be ok or not, 16 weeks, when apparently the risk of miscarriage dramatically drops, and then 20 weeks, when again we see whether everything appears to be ok or not.
I hadnβt really allowed myself to think beyond the 20 week scan, and now weβre here itβs almost as though my subconscious self is saying βyou must have something to worry aboutβ and finds a new anxiety to harbour. Now itβs that the baby will be born too soon. The fact I recently interviewed a mum whose baby was born at 26 weeks hasnβt helped, and nor has supporting friends whose daughter was born at 31 weeks and didnβt make it.
I have no reason to think this will happen to me: BB eventually made her entrance into the world after 42 weeks and would quite happily have stayed put without medical intervention. But of course, there is no rhyme or reason to any of this.Β Why canβt I just sit back and relax?
Iβm now telling myself IΒ will when we get to mid-thirties in terms of weeks, but no doubt Iβll find something else to worry about by then. In the meantime, I could quite happily throttleΒ anyone who saysΒ βfive months already β isnβt time flying!β
It isnβt. They should try living in my shoes for just one dayβ¦
First of all, I am so sorry that you have had to fear losing the baby because of your previous losses. π But now I have to say that this post is AWESOME news for me personally! (let me explain) I have also experienced multiple miscarriages, and I feared having a pre-term baby with my third child’s pregnancy once I was out of the “danger zone”! I thought it was just me – never that others might think/react the same way. Thank you so much for sharing, hon.
By the way, I had no reason to worry – my first two children were born at 38/42 weeks. Baby #3 was born at 39w1d. All three healthy as can be. It seems my body miscarriages a lot, but also grows really healthy ones too. π
Big {{hugs}} to you as you go through the rest of this pregnancy. I know how hard it is. <3