It’s been four years and 23 days since you were born and changed my world forever. Just like your brother, you were a part of me I never knew was missing and I realised there had always been a BB shaped hole in my heart. It seems like only yesterday I wrote you a poem when I was about to stop breastfeeding you, and now it’s time for your first day of school. Our weekdays are never going to be the same again.
I’ll miss your sleepy face in the morning asking me what we’re going to do that day; I’ll miss the way you stand in front of your wardrobe deciding which ‘pretty dress’ you’re going to wear; I’ll miss watching Balamory with you while we eat our lunch and I’ll miss going to coffee shops for apple juice and a chocolate brownie in the middle of the afternoon.
I’m sad because you’re going to be spending more time with other people than with me: I won’t be there to see the way your face lights up when you learn something new, and it won’t be me answering the torrent of questions that come tumbling out.
I’m also worried. What if you don’t like the lunch they serve? Because you’ll be too polite to say anything. What if the teacher speaks too sharply to you and your eyes fill with tears and your bottom lip trembles because she doesn’t know how sensitive you are yet? And what if you go to the loo and, despite all our practise, need a little help? Will you ask, or will you sit in the cubicle all on your own wondering what to do?
But mostly I’m sad because starting school means you really aren’t my baby anymore. With your rounded finger nails and long legs I can already glimpse the woman you’re going to become, and you’re so excited.
I know you’re going to love school and you’ll probably be disappointed when you realise you can’t go on a Saturday, just like I was. You look so smart and grown up in your uniform – I’m so proud to be your mummy.
I will probably have a
big little cry after dropping you off today, but I’m already looking forward to hearing all about your day. And every day after that. I just hope you still remember the days we had before school, when it was just you and me. I will treasure them forever.
Love from Mummy xxx