It’s been a year since shared parental leave came into force in England, Scotland and Wales and apparently just one in every 100 dads – that’s 1% – has taken advantage of the opportunity. I can’t say I’m surprised.
This time last year I wrote a blog post about why it would never work in our house and would probably end in divorce because I simply couldn’t cope with the crunchy crotches my pants would have from Misery Guts not shaking out the wet washing properly before hanging it out, and I’d end up having a nervous breakdown from all the crumbs and spillages I know I would find on the kitchen work surfaces when I got home from work.
But apart from the domestic side of things there are 5 reasons why I think shared parental leave will never work:
1. Employers aren’t offering dads the same advantageous maternity packages that they’re offering mums, such as 90% of your pay for the first 16 weeks of leave, so many families simply can’t afford to take them up on the offer.
2. The process of applying for shared parental leave – when two parents share the 50 weeks maternity leave after a baby is born – is so convoluted and confusing that many families simply don’t know how to go about doing it. What’s more, many HR departments have criticised the complexity of the new law and reported not knowing how to administer it.
3. Dads are afraid of applying for shared parental leave for fear of being viewed less favourably than other male colleagues and it affecting their future career prospects. That glass ceiling has just got bigger.
4. Mums don’t want to hand over the baby. I don’t know about you, but in the first year I started to get twitchy if I’d been apart from mine for more than a few hours. As appealing as it sounds, I wouldn’t really have wanted to leave mine in the capable hands of Misery Guts for eight or nine hours a day during the working week.
5. Dads don’t want to be handed the baby. If I had a pound for every time Misery Guts – elbow deep in baby poo with a screaming baby in his arms and snot on his shirt – has muttered ‘I don’t know how you do it’ I’d be very rich indeed. Like many dads, he freely admits he can’t imagine anything worse than being at home all day with the kids.
I know just one couple who have taken up the opportunity of shared parental leave in the last year, and I asked them to sum up in five words how it went.
He said: ‘Freedom. Tiring. Fun. Inspiring. Life changing.’
She said: ‘Challenging. Flexible. Tiring. Fun. Jealous!’
I think shared parental leave is a nice idea in theory, and it’s nice to read the stories of those for whom it has been a blessing, but unless these issues are addressed I can’t see it taking off in reality. What do you think? Is it something you’d consider?
I’d LOVE it if you’d consider nominating me in this year’s Tots100 MAD Blog Awards. The categories it would be FABULOUS to be recognised in are Best Writer, Best Pre-school Blog or (dare I say it) even Blog of the Year! All you have to do is click on the badge below and enter https://crummymummy.co.uk into the relevant box. Thank you SO SO much in advance! x
Linking up with…
Yes, I agree with you that it is very nice in theory but not practical in reality although it is always nice to have that option and it might work for the odd few people. It would not work for us! 🙂 #bestandworst
Totally agree, as with many things the idea works in theory but practically it just isn’t going to pan out that way. #bestandworst
I agree that it’s not strictly fair or easy the way it’s set up. What would be better would be to offer extended parental leave but only if fathers’ have to take a quota – say three months after the first twelve month period. This is the case in Norway I believe. It would be a step in the right direction. That way employers would see fathers also exiting the workplace to have/extend their family and would hopefully start a movement towards more men thinking it a thing they can and should do.
In the USA where there is no paid parental leave, the workplace is apparently a lot more equal. Not sure how happy the parents are though and if the reality is a lot of women just don’t go back to work.
I love the fact that both the mum and dad you spoke to used the word fun to describe the dad’s time with baby. How are dad’s ever really going to get more au fait with childrearing unless we get them to do more of it? Also we, as mums, possibly need to let go a little. They’ll have their own way of doing things and we might see mum’s way isn’t always right or best.
Good article on parental leave rights around the world – https://www.theguardian.com/money/shortcuts/2013/nov/29/parental-leave-rights-around-world
I think it’s a nice idea but not one that will take over from mothers on mat leave, my husband would have liked more than 2 weeks but at times he was secretly pleased to be in the office! I wouldn’t have liked to cut my mat leave short either, we cook the bun so should be able to enjoy it so to speak hehe. Thanks for linking up #bestandworst
I agree with some of your points above – not least it being complicated and I agree that I would have struggled I think to give up that time to my partner.
However, I have two friends who’s husbands took over at the six month mark and it worked wonderfully for them.
While it’s important we maintain a balanced view in the blogging world and all present different opinions openly, I worry that overly negative posts about such important topics such as shared parental leave and equality for mums and dads in the workplace risk damaging the wider cause. For instance, I would hate for someone who is considering shared parental leave to find this post during their decision making process and have it put them off the idea before they’ve even applied or tried it.
Hi,
I stumbled across this from another blog post and I just had to comment as my husband and I did Shared Parental Leave and we loved it! It was awesome for us and allowed us to share and balance the roles of parenting and working and in doing so, build our own bonds with our child who benefitted enormously. I think it’s too broad a statement to say that it will never work – organisational cultures have to evolve to accommodate it to make it work but steps are being taken. And it really isn’t as convoluted as it might seem – it’s up to the employers to handle the complexities. My husband was more than happy to take the baby and play his part and he was proud of doing it. And it’s the law now. As far as I’m concerned, as women, we have fought for choice for so long and we shouldn’t dismiss it when we finally get the rights we voted for. I fully recommend SPL to my friends, as does my husband.
That’s so good to hear. You’re right cultures need to evolve to help make it work – I don’t think many companies are set up for it yet. Thanks so much for commenting x