Have you ever stayed up late even though you’re knackered just so you can have an hour or two child-free? According to a meme I saw on Facebook recently that means you’re a Mombie, otherwise known as a ‘sleep deprived mum who feeds on caffeine and survives on wine’.
This is so me. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve sat up in the evening, eyes stinging and body screaming for bed, just so I can have a bit of child-free time. But on reflection I don’t think it’s as simple as that – there’s far more to being a Mombie than staying up late to watch a bit of telly.
So I’ve had a think and compiled a list of 10 signs you’re turning into a Mombie:
1. You look in the mirror and find yourself startled at the reflection peering back at you. Blood shot eyes, puffy bags often accompanied by dark circles and little lines at the side of your mouth you know are the onset of jowls – broken nights are just the start of descent into Mombism.
2. Twitchy eyes. Little muscles in one or both of your eyelids develop a life of their own, twitching and ticking involuntarily. Annoyingly this tends to happen when you’re out and about and speaking to people, often strangers.
3. Unbrushed hair. Forgetting to brush your hair and not realising until 6pm or later is a sure sign you’re turning into a Mombie.
4. Wearing your pyjamas until the last possible moment before going out and putting them straight back on as soon as you return home. Misery Guts rarely gets home from work to find me not in my jim jams.
5. Wearing your pyjamas in public. Whether it’s wearing your pyjamas on the school run or to the corner shop, you really can’t be bothered to get dressed anymore.
6. Mumnesia. Walking into a room and completely forgetting what you went in there for or starting a conversation and then drawing a complete blank is a precursor to turning into a Mombie.
7. You veer from one caffeine hit to the next in order to get through the day. Whether it’s coffee, tea with two tea bags, diet coke or all three – you need a crutch to get you through until wine o’clock.
8. You veer from one sugar hit to the next in order to get through the day. If you’re not relying on caffeine, you’re probably relying on sugar. Hard core Mombies need both.
9. You find yourself with a glass of wine in your hand and can’t remember how it got there. With the kids tucked up in bed you automatically lumber towards the kitchen and pour a glass of wine, except you can’t remember doing it.
10. When you do actually make it out of the house, you’re always accompanied by a pair of sunglasses, no matter what the time of year. Your new friend, sunglasses hide a multitude of sins.
Do any of these sound familiar? Are you, or have you ever been, a Mombie?
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