It occurred to me, as I lay on the floor of Little B’s bedroom at 5 o’clock in the morning and held his hand through the rungs of the cot, that I’ve become something of a baby sleep expert.
In how not to get a baby to sleep alone.
After more than two years of broken nights and co-sleeping (I thought we’d nipped it in the bud but we hadn’t) and with time running out to get Little B out of our bed and into his own before the new baby arrives, we started the new year determined to crack it once and for all.
In a nutshell, this involved Misery Guts taking over bedtime and controlled crying (for Little B, not us. Although to be honest I felt like crying too). It lasted one night and was horrendous.
To cut a long story short Little B cried non-stop for two and half hours before eventually falling asleep with exhaustion, woke several times during the night after which he again cried himself to sleep and had a hoarse voice for a full two days afterwards owing to all the crying.
I felt terrible – off the scale mum guilt – and there was no way we, nevermind him, could go through another night of that. Controlled crying is definitely not for us.
Here’s what I’ve also learnt:
How NOT to get a baby to sleep alone
1. Don’t play Rocket Boy when Daddy comes home from work half an hour before bedtime. (Rocket Boy, in case you were wondering, involves lying on your back on the bed and lifting said boy into the air with your feet). Winding them up instead of winding them down is a bad idea.
2. Don’t play ‘last one into the bathroom is a rotten egg’ when it’s time to brush their teeth either. For the same reason as above.
3. Don’t let Dipsy, La La, Po, Tinky Winky, another Po and the entire cast of CBeebies into their cot. There’s just too much distraction, and more for them to throw at you when they realise you’re actually planning to leave them there. Alone.
4. Don’t let them sleep in your bed, no matter how cute they look. After Little B outgrew his bedside crib, and because I was still breastfeeding, I let him sleep in our bed because it was easier than getting up and down like a yo-yo for night feeds. But what was easier in the short-term most definitely made things harder in the long-term, because he got used to sleeping in our bed with us instead of in his own in his cot.
5. If they settle in their cot but then wake, don’t take them back to your bed even though it seems easier. It’s not, for the same reason as above.
So if controlled crying isn’t the answer, what is? After the night from hell I did what anyone would do and scoured the internet for advice, then came up with a plan that went something like this:
1. Avoid the cry-it-out technique. They’ll fall asleep from exhaustion, not because they’re learning a new routine.
2. Make sure they’re tired at bedtime = lots of activity during the day.
3. Don’t over-stimulate them. So no Rocket Boy or rotten egg games before bed.
4. Quieten things down in the run up to bedtime. So no TV, apps, screens or anything electronic.
5. Stick to the same routine before bedtime every night, and the simpler the better. For us it’s bath, book and bed.
6. Stay within their sight when you’re implementing the new routine. This was absolutely key for us, and is why I think the new routine is working (so far). Stay in their room after you’ve put them in their cot, explain that it’s bedtime and you’re there to keep them company and after they’ve settled down tell them you’ll come back in 10 minutes. Do this every night, and the idea is they’ll take less time to fall asleep.
7. Stay calm (you, not them. Which is easier said than done for Misery Guts). Don’t get cross or raise your voice, just be firm and consistent.
After the hideous ordeal of the first night I wasn’t holding out much hope, but amazingly, and perhaps because of the hideous ordeal of the first night, Little B settled down by himself and was asleep within half an hour.
Of course he woke up several times during the night and had to be resettled, but he stayed in his cot all night which was the main thing.
Then, on the third day, this happened.
That’s right, for the first time in his whole entire life he slept in his cot, on his own, all night without waking up once.
Of course I was awake every couple of hours, wondering why he wasn’t waking up and if he was still actually breathing.
And of course it hasn’t happened since, but that’s not the point. The point is we know it’s possible.
We’re now on day six and although Little B still wakes up a few times a night, putting him down to sleep in the first place takes as little as 10 minutes, compared to the hour or so it took previously, and he hasn’t slept in our bed once.
So I think we might be finally cracking it.
There is one small detail I’ve failed to impart though: because we live in two-bedroom flat BB is currently sleeping on a mattress on the floor of our bedroom while we settle Little B into his new routine. So I do hope we haven’t swapped one problem for another.
Do you have any top tips for getting a baby to sleep alone? Or have you had a nightmare of it too?
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I never had problems with any of my kids sleeping UNTIL Elsie, and as 4th child and exhausted mum we did a lot of things because ‘its easier’ and a whole host of other excuses. She is 3 now and still comes through to us in the night, I mean don’t get me wrong she falls asleep perfectly, lights off alone etc its just that night time wake up we can’t shake away! 🙁
We definitely let Little B get away with things because it was easier – the only thing is it isn’t easier in the long term!
oh gosh this is brilliant I could write a book about how to not get babies to sleep, the minute you mentioned the hand through the bars I was taken back to my life for many many years. My kids were not good sleepers at all as babies, and still are not good at falling asleep, so I am just learning to accept it #Thelist
Don’t say that – I don’t want to know what might be in store!
This is a helpful post! Our little one is only 5 months but we are getting to the growing out of the bedside cot stage and I was wondering what to do next. Our bed seems easiest, but maybe I’ll go with the big boy cot…
You’re on dodgy ground! My advice would be do what’s right for you – but think long term too!
Oh, I’m definitely in the ‘How not to do it’ club! We let Little One fall asleep in our bed and then put him into his cot. We keep saying we’re going to knock it on the head but we lack willpower! Some great tips on how to do it though #thelist
It so easy to do the easiest thing though – especially at the end of a long day!
Sleep was an issue for us for so long! After trying the camping out method (like you described) and realizing it would not work with our stubborn girl, we resorted to controlled crying. I went in to comfort her every 10 minutes until she fell asleep. It took one difficult night, and that was it, now she sleeps through the night. We also put her to bed 30 minutes later than usual so she would be extra sleepy. Crying it out is not for everyone. I didn’t want to do it for a long time, but after so many months of not sleeping, it’s what finally worked for us. #TheListLinky
The thing is Little B just cried solidly for hours and hours – my nerves couldn’t take it!
Some great advice and wonderful tips. You are so right the cry it out technique is a load of ******
Thankfully this is what (finally) worked for us…
Love your list of ‘don’ts’ all very familiar. We also made lots of mistakes with out first. We had a visitor in our bed up until she was 3! We have done co-sleeping with both ours but with the second we have been a lot more structured. We went for a Snuzpod with our second which has lots of benefits of co-sleeping but still gives you and baby your own space. From there we made gradual steps to transition into firstly a cot and eventually his own room, each baby is different but we have certainly had an easy time with sleeping second time around. Good Luck! goo.gl/kRKoZj
Thank you! We’ve got a Chicco Next2Me bedside crib which is similar to a SnuzPod – I think drop-down cribs that fit next to the bed are great x